Around this time marks two anniversaries for me: five years living in Maryland, and three years living in Baltimore and at my current job. Also the anniversary of my birth, or as I understand people refer to it, “birthday”. It seems sort of crazy to me that I’ve been here [in Baltimore] this long, but it also feels even longer than three-to-five years in some ways – a sensation I suspect is familiar to most readers.
I have to confess, I think some of the reason it seems like a long time is that I really still don’t feel very “settled” here in Baltimore. I’ve been here three years – longer than I lived in Boston, which seems insane to me – and I still rarely identify Baltimore as home in my words or in my mind. I’ve never dealt well with change or transitions, but I guess I’d hoped that after this length of time in one place, I would have adapted better.
Don’t get me wrong, things have improved in a lot of ways. My first few weeks in Maryland, I ended up lost and crying almost every time I left the house, so I’m happy to report that’s no longer the case. (As, I’m sure, are the other drivers on the road.) I’ve found that, to a certain degree, planning a wedding here in the Baltimore area has improved my relationship with the city, because I’m looking at things from a much different perspective.
I’m putting in a pretty good effort, too, in my opinion. I’ve got my book club(s), my bocce team, and a decent little apartment with a cute boy and a funny cat. I have a place I trust with my car, a favorite restaurant in walking distance, and definitely appreciate the low cost & abundance of baseball tickets for a team that’s been half-good since I got here. Something just has not clicked yet – but I’m hoping I’ll figure it out this year?